When I found out I was HIV positive in 1998, I was pretty crest fallen. I thought I was going to die, that this was the beginning of the end. I was devastated. I had known other people that had HIV/AIDS and I watched them die in the 1980s. So, I thought it was a death sentence, that you get diagnosed and then you die pretty quick. 

Finding out that first day put me in a real nervous, agitated state. I definitely did not want to keep it to myself. My sister seemed like a pretty safe person to talk to so she was the first person I told. She was really supportive. She took off work early and I went over to her house and hung out with her for the rest of the day. I tried to put it out of my mind, tried to just do normal things.

Later on, more of my family found out and this is when I started to feel some stigma about being HIV positive. I noticed that my family kept giving me the same dishes to eat from and the same glass to drink out of. Everyone took extra care to make sure that “my glass” was only mine. It was weird. At the time they were pretty ignorant about HIV/AIDS so I could understand where they were coming from, but it still was hurtful.

I started telling friends and the reaction I got was not necessarily positive or supportive, so I kind of backed off.  I only told people that I needed to tell, not just people in general. Once, a guy I knew just said flat out to me, “Oh, I heard you got AIDS.” I got upset because I hate that word, AIDS, it’s just a dirty word to me. I have HIV, I don’t have an AIDS diagnosis. Learning the difference between HIV and AIDS is really important.

Nowadays, they have wonderful treatment available if you’re willing to get help and treat the disease seriously and relentlessly. After I started taking medications, a couple of blood tests showed that my viral load (amount of HIV virus in my body) was already at an undetectable level. I thought, “Wow, these medicines actually do work.” So, it was kind of reassuring that I was on the right path. They also check your T-cell count (CD4 cells) when you begin treatment and initially I was at 230 T-cells. Now, by taking my meds everyday faithfully, I’m back up to 950 T-cells. I am really psyched because that is a very healthy T-cell level. I don’t know how long it will last but I’ll take it when I can get it!